A Look Back

Note: This post was written mainly for future me, anyone besides future me will probably get bored with this post. Just a warning. This is not an essay that I am turning into school, it is an essay for me to look back on and remember. Also, this is all about me, I hate writing about me, but I thought there would be some important memories and lessons I learned that I wouldn't want to forget. I apologize if this comes across as arrogant in any way.

Running head: A Look Back

A Look Back

Josh Willink

Davenport University

4/3/2012

Intro

In exactly two weeks from today, I will get in my car, drive to Davenport University's Grand Rapids campus, sit through a 2 hour lecture, take a final exam and I will leave the class room for the last time as an undergraduate student. This is a big deal for me. You see, for the last 5 years, I have dedicated myself to working hard in order to achieve one of my major goals in life - receiving a Bachelor's degree. Now, despite the fact that I plan to continue on in school for two more years to receive my Master's degree, it is still a significant point in time. So much has happened in my life over the last 5 years, I feel like a completely different person.

I wanted to take a minute, write one more essay, and take a look back on my experience. There is so much that I probably don't remember. But some highlights truly stand out.

My first meeting with admissions

I called Doug one night to see if he wanted to hang out. This was back in early 2007. He said, "ah, maybe later I have a meeting tonight." "A meeting?" I said, "with who?" "With the admissions department and Davenport University. Hey, come to think of it, you should come too and check it out." I thought, why not? I had finished high school two years before that, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I eventually wanted to go to college but I had no idea what for. It's not that I hadn't thought about it, it was just that I was so indecisive. I decided to give it a shot. So I met up with Doug, and we went to his meeting. While the admissions counselor, Heather, was not unattractive, that had little to do with my decision. After all, I was already in a committed relationship. But she spoke about the school with such knowledge and passion, and what she said made a lot of sense. Doug and I left with a great impression, of the school that is, and we both decided that Davenport was the school for us. If I were to do it all over again, knowing what I know now, I would still choose Davenport. There have been some challenges, and some rough patches, but overall I have had a great experience and wouldn't change it.

You WILL fail a class

Before I started my first semester at college I had met a friend for dinner one night just to catch up. We hadn't seen each other in a while so we were bringing each other up to speed. I told her about my plans to start college. Her words were so inspiring to me. So much so that, 5 years later, I still use them to motivate me. She said to me "Josh, don't take this the wrong way. But college is HARD. It is not high school. It is not home school high school. It is really really hard. I say this so that you will not be discouraged when it happens, but Josh you WILL fail at least one class. Just know that, and when it happens, don't give up, just take the class again." That blew me away. Really? I will fail a class? I didn't even think about that. But the thought of it angered me to the point that I decided to make it my goal to prove her wrong. I never wanted to fail a class. Now, she didn't say it to degrade me, make me sound dumb or anything. She was simply trying to prepare me. Well, prepare me she did. And 5 years later, two weeks from the finish line, and I sure hope to say at the end of this class that I achieved that goal.

My first class.

A shy home-schooled kid who hated being in small groups for the fear of having to speak in front of a few people. I had never been in a classroom in my life other than driver's ed. Speech class. 20 people. Can anything be more intimidating?

I took this class with my brother, Teej, which turned out to be the best possible thing. I gave 5 speeches in front of that class, but it was my first one that I will never forget. I remember how nervous I was. Nervous was an understatement. To this day, if you were to ask me at what point of time in my life was I the most nervous, it wouldn't be my wedding day. It wouldn't be the time I asked Carrie's dad for his blessing to marry his daughter. Not the time I jumped out of an airplane at 18,000 feet, or my first time at the orthodontist, or any job interview. It is without a doubt, hands down the day of my first speech in speech class.

I remember going to the shed in our backyard and practicing my speech over and over and over...and over. I would pause while my make-believe audience would laugh hysterically at one of my jokes, I would use hand gestures and facial expressions to enhance my performance. I had a stop watch to practice my timing, It had to be perfect. I remember going to the library and renting a cassette tape on how to channel your nerves. I remember sitting in my chair before my first speech, heart pounding out of my chest, thinking how silly it was that I was so nervous. I looked outside and noticed people mowing the grass. What I wouldn't have given to be them in that moment. Just mowing the grass. Escaping the moment I found myself in. I envisioned what could go wrong, tripping, stuttering, losing my train of thought, throwing up, passing out, diarrhea...passing out. Of course, the more I thought about being nervous, the more nervous I became.

Something amazing happened during this semester, though. After that first speech, I can recall Teej giving me one of the best compliments anyone could have given me: "It was pretty good, I think you said um a few too many times but other than that...by the way if you were nervous I couldn't tell, you seemed comfortable." It was a compliment mixed in with an honest critique. Perfect. That was all I needed to hear. Every speech after that, while the nerves still came, they were good nerves, I welcomed them. It became an exciting thing for me. I guess that is what happens when you face your greatest fear and you realize you can do it. It becomes an adrenaline rush, one that you are drawn to just so you can say you did it again and again and again, and each time you did it, you got a little bit better. It is kind of like a child who is too scared to go down a tall slide. Once they realize they can go down, not get hurt, and it isn't all that scary...they realize, "hmm...that was kind of fun!" Do you think that child is going to want to do it again? You better believe it. I can honestly say that is what I felt, I truly looked forward to every single speech after that first one. After the last class, I will never forget the final critique given to Teej and me with no one else around. The professor telling us that out of everyone in class, she felt the most confident with Teej's and my public speaking abilities. That sounds prideful, but honestly I share that because future me and anyone else reading this may have a fear that they feel like they can't get over. This is proof that God will help you through it, despite how difficult it is or how difficult you perceive it to be, you CAN do it. I heard a statistic once that people are more afraid of public speaking than they are of dying. I completely understand that.

Other Memories

Throughout the years I made many more memories, 3 of my 5 years were done online though so I can't say many of my favorite memories had to do with school. But there were a few more.

Doing donuts in the school parking lot after a fresh snow fall. As I was leaving I looked back to see our overweight one-man campus security team running after me with his flashlight. Good times.

As mentioned in a previous blog post, falling asleep for 2 hours on a 3 hour timed accounting midterm exam. I don't know how I passed that class, so boring.

My accounting 101 teacher, a middle aged, heavier set woman whose wardrobe choices were only slightly uncomplimentary.

My tax class last semester, with a teacher that I would fact check in the back of the class room on my laptop EVERY time she went off script. Not the worst of which, was when she confidently told us that 50%, HALF, of all federal spending goes to the Red Cross.

Five years of my life, 116 essays, 14 presentations, countless hours of studying, reading, answering homework questions, preparing for tests. Close to $70,000 spent in tuition, books and supplies. All for a cap, gown, and piece of paper...wow.

WOW.

In conclusion

While I went about college the unconventional way, I feel like it is representational of my life. It seems I often don't do things the conventional way. I did not start college straight out of high school. I did not live in dorms, party, get drunk, spring break in Panama, etc. I waited until I was 20 to start college. I got married, worked full-time, lived on the other side of the country from my school, took mostly online classes. And yet, I enjoyed the last five years of my life more than I could have ever imagined. So wherever you are, whatever you are doing, raise your glass. Here's to the end of an era, and the start of the rest of our lives.

Works Cited

Willink, Joshua P. “A Look Back.” 3 Apr. 2012.